Weirdjutsu
by Zevnen
Summary: An epic is a narrative poem that tells a story, and usually seems to go on forever. Blend it with our three favorite ninja, and you get an interesting mix...
1. Beware The Shinobi Dance of Doom

**Weirdjutsu**

By: _ShinobiWolf_

Scroll I: Beware- The Shinobi Dance of Doom

xxxxx

_I had originally started an epic for Gundam Wing called "The Mission", but I got zero reviews, so I scrapped it. (Mostly because that series drastically dropped in popularity.) So I decided to start another epic in a much more popular category._

_My inspiration came from reading "Beowulf" in British Literature class. We only read one third of the entire poem, and that part itself went on for fifteen pages. And it didn't even rhyme. There will be more chapters; this is an epic, after all…_

xxxxx

One day Naruto sprang out of bed

Today was a special day

He sprang so hard, he bonked his head

He ran to the bridge to wait for they

They, Sakura and Sasuke

And Kakashi, whom would probably be late

Because his head wasn't okay

From getting hit with a plate

Naruto arrived at the bridge

Kunai in hand

He saw just a smidge

Of a Konoha headband

A headband behind a big bush

That's what Naruto sees

And with a mighty push

Out comes Kakashi, eating some cheese

As well as reading his book

Which isn't for a child's eyes

Kakashi's book, Sakura took

And threw into the skies

"Oh well," Kakashi sighed

And turned to his students

His disappointment was bonafide

Around him, Cell 7 was prudent

"We have a new mission!"

Kakashi stated with glee

"Someone went fishin'

In the Hokage's pool, dear me!"

Away Cell 7 went

To capture this mysterious fisherman

In his head, Naruto got a dent

'Cause he didn't flush after using the can

They followed some tracks

All the way to a forest

They met a guy named Mack

And ran away, for his mind was messed

The tracks went on and on

But stopped before an oak

"My name is Don!"

Shouted a stranger, who could also croak

A fisherman was he

Look! He has a carp!

"In this forest I am free

To wield my mighty guppy, that is very sharp!"

Don was a ninja elite

On his headband was a mackerel

He bent over and sniffed his feet

Oh! He slipped and fell!

He landed gracefully

Just like a cat

He threw fish, 'cause he was a bully

On Sasuke's head, the fish went splat

Sasuke was mad

That he was

He started a fad

Past Don's head, his kunai buzzed

The others quickly followed suit

Throwing their own ninja knives

Kakashi smacked him with a boot

Then Don got some hives

Don was mad at the teacher

That much was true

Himself he featured

As he waved a fan of blue

"That is the last straw

Now you will end!"

Don gave a laugh deep from his maw

"For the ultimate jutsu, I will send!

It is purely mysterious

Your heart will go vroom!

Be ready for the fantastic, nefarious

Shinobi Dance of Doom!"

Kakashi stood by

His students gawked

As Don sang to the sky

And did the moonwalk

He stunned them more

When he hopped on his feet

He pulled out four

Big, red beets

He juggled them in the air

And sliced them by perfect fractions

But Don didn't really care

For they were just a distraction

He spun his legs

Around, and around

Don danced on a keg

And made a dodo bird call

He flailed his arms

In a weird, unusual rhythm

He sang of farms

And old cheese in overalls with them

Don donned a tutu

His twirling was quite graceful

He sang of a fish named MooMoo

Then Sasuke gave him a faceful

"I hate fish."

Sasuke simply stated

He handed Naruto a dish

Of cheese that was grated

Naruto ate his cheese

He was surprised- it wasn't poison!

Then they crossed the seas

And visited the Land of the Soy, then

They ignored the fact

That their mission was done

Sasuke lacked tact

When it came to having fun

But that's not the point

Of this narrative epic

Some guy hurt his elbow joint

When he tried to throw a toothpick

"Get me a cold pack!"

He yelled to the four

Then he proceeded to yak

To the old man next door


	2. Loony Lloyd and the Trading Quest of Doo...

**Weirdjutsu**

By: _ShinobiWolf_

Scroll II: Loony Lloyd and the Trading Quest of Doom

xxxxx

_I would have updated a week ago, but stupid suspended my account for a story that I posted at least two years ago. And __**Chaotic Demon**__? You are my one and only reviewer. Thank you for granting this thing a chance. A character from another anime makes an appearance, but it is only a cameo, and does not take away from the story if you don't recognise them. After all, they only get one line..._

xxxxx

Cell 7 was united

When they saw a guy named Frank

They were handed a paper that cited

"Before I give you a cold pack, you must get me a crank."

So off they went

In search of said tool

Then Sasuke got a dent

When he was hit by Lloyd the Fool

Lloyd hit Sasuke hard

With a rather large rock

Then he ate some lard

And danced around in a smock

"Who is this meany,

That made my Sasuke cry?"

Sakura was answered by Teeny

The crispy, golden French-fry

"Lloyd is loony, as you can see,"

Teeny explained to the girl, without a ploy

"He thinks he is free,

To soak his head in soy."

All five left Lloyd to his loony ways

And traveled to Jamaica

They inquired a director of plays

He told them, "Go as far as 'da fry will take 'ya."

So through the trees they flew

Until Teeny was eaten by a shark

Then Naruto told the crew

"Our quest is over, hark!"

They were in a forest

With very tall trees

Then Kakashi shouted to the rest

"Hurry, we must flee!"

They were being chased by rats

Look! There goes Yuki! (1)

Until they were saved by a bat

By the name of Ryokamatsuki

He took the pilots to his lair

With them he was quite frank

"I have something you need, it's in my hair

A fabulous and wonderful crank!

But I will not give it to you now,

First you must earn it

Go to Muffy the Cow,

And get me a crab that's a hermit."

Cell 7 journeyed to the pasture

A wide expanse of land

Out jumped a bean named Castor

As he held up his hand

"Stop, right where you are!

Do not pass this point!

First you must get me a car,

One that does not go 'doink'!"

Again they took off under the sky

To find a non-doinking car

"I'm hungry, get me a pie."

Said the old man at the bar

So off they went, in search of a pie

Quickly they found a bakery

"Do you have any pies?" They asked Master Gai

"I have one hundred pies, but they are all curry."

Naruto blinked, and rubbed his eyes

And called for the others to hurry

They fled in fear, I realize

From Master Gai's creepy eyebrows of fury

They did remember the pie,

Bless their hearts

Then something dropped out of the sky-

It was a flying wart!

He stole the pie of curry

And he wouldn't give it back

Then he commanded, in his voice so surly

"Go and get me a tack!"

Alas, alas, when will this end?

This aggravating, never-ending quest?

A steal beam Lee did bend

To prove that he was best

To the hardware store they went

To get the wart's precious tack

Kakashi meant what he said and said what he meant

"Naruto, the tack you should not smack."

On his finger, Naruto put a band-aid

His puncture wound hurt nevermore

Never was the suggestion made

To just buy a crank back at the hardware store

To the wart they gave the tack

He gave them back their pie

To the bar they walked back

And gave the pie to the drunken guy

The drunken man gave them keys

To his car that did not go "doink"

The five raced across the seas

To get to the bean named Castor's point

They gave him the car

So he let them pass

They didn't go far

Before they saw Muffy eating grass

She gave them a hermit crab

This crab was quite kooky

Then they hailed a cab

And took it back to Ryokamatsuki

They gave him the crab

He gave them the crank

The tool looked very fab

Then they took it to Frank

He gave them an ice pack

That was very cold

They saw a guy named Jack

And considered him very bold

When he poked at Sasuke's head

He got a nasty surprise

Sasuke hit him with a pie of lead

That he slipped out from under Master Gai's eyes

They took the cold pack

To the guy with the damaged elbow joint

He put it in a potato sack

His finger he did point

"You ninja I will never forget!

You saved my poor life!

You saved me from certain death!"

Then he proceeded to play on his fife.

xxxxx

(1) Sohma Yuki, of Fruits Basket. He turns into a rat whenever a member of the opposite sex hugs him.


End file.
